To my angel

Hi angel,

38 weeks ago I had no idea we'd both be headed this way. In fact, not in my wildest dreams did I visualize calling you mine or having you by my side.

I have been the most uncaring, inattentive, annoying, distorted, complex, shameless boyfriend at various times in our relationship but regardless, you have never left my side for a second.

Hi angel, you probably don't expect to see this, because the last I wrote you was over 2 centuries back and you probably have thought to yourself "that fire died long ago." No angel, allow me cut you the slack...

I know I act like I am never worried about stuff; like how to make ego or what the what the future holds in store. Allow me to surprise you by informing you that this guy is always on a worry ramp and this is why I have those occasional outbursts that leave you trying to understand my kind. The only difference is, I have come to understand that worry can also fuel ones drive (Mba ma, I don't have a car yet so I am not talking about petrol gotten from total,  oando or nnpc).

Hi angel, remember the trolls? All those smelling people that strongly believed we had a 'joke relationship,' well look who's laughing now. They said a month was still very young, we clocked nine and now they're planning our wedding ahead of us. Haha. Uwa bu ezigbo pawpaw.

Anyway, I'm not here to disclose my dialect.

How do I begin to thank you; for all those times when we had nothing to eat and you'll say 'Baby don't worry, let us drink garri everything will be fine.' or when my mood swings would drop by and you'd be there for me to rain my aggression on and afterwards I would tell myself issnur good o, this girl did nothing wrong. You see my love, all of these is a preparatory phase and thanks to grace we will soon be out of this cooking pot (yunnoe soup wey dey sweet dey tey for fire).

My baby boo, 2015 is almost come to an end. Remember that this is only the beginning of our journey, I cannot promise to be Mr. fantastic in 2016 but I promise to marvel you with more beautiful things. I also know that ego is needed to sustain a relationship so I have been prophesying financial breakthrough into our 2016. But my dearest angel, we have survived this long and stayed beautiful without it so remember to shut out ego (pride) from ego when we finally get the ego we want.

Regardless of how many times I have and will fuck(ed) up, I want you to know right now that I love you from the bottom of my heart. I am simply a boy trying to be my own man (meaning I don't have lecturers teaching me how to live this life) so I will make mistakes in this process of trying to grow up. I hope you forgive me in advance.

Lastly my darling lover, we all have battles we fight on a daily basis and sometimes we are the only ones who know what exactly they are. Fear not what the future holds in store, understand that you are the only key to the future you seek and that simply makes you the gatekeeper to your own gate. Your mind will sometimes mess with you but never forget that you are in charge. Negativity has never added to anyone so I urge you to remain positive (unless of course you're at a HIV screening center).

I am not superman but I promise to continue to be a Clark Kent for my precious Louis Lane.

Happy 38th week baby boo, I love you.

I am

I wake up every morning to stress and a life of unrest
I sometimes get tired of waiting for the bright days ahead, but wait I continue
I walk on a street full of people but I'm all alone
I am a child who knows what it feels like to be depressed
I am a child with no idea what it feels like learning inside a class
I have been deprived of what should be basic
I am the child that never had a toy car or a fancy eyeglass
I am a child whose smile goes unnoticed
I am tired of the silence of the voices that I should hear
I wish I could run away from the stench of this poverty
I have dreams even though I have no bed to sleep
I am a child lacking parental affection and care
I am an observer, refused recognition because of my Inabilities
I am hopeful and strong although you tag me a liability
I am trying to hibernate myself from the hardship life has subjected me to
I have greatness in me even though I was born with disabilities
I am a victim of poverty living in a place called isolation and discomfort
I have been rejected and called dirty
I am a child on the streets begging alms and seeking food to eat because reality is unfair and the world is more cruel and less kind
I am a child whose friends and companions live on the inside of his mind
I am alone, I do not feel among
I am tired of having my palms stretched out like a rubber band extended past its elastic limit
I am stuck with no answers to questions like 'why me?' or 'Is this where I belong?'
I am cold at night with no roof over my little head, laying close to a gutter full of dirt and vomit
I am that child crying out for help, I am that child hawking on the streets
I am another casualty of misfortune, I am a child who knows what it feels like living in hell.

While we bask in the euphoria of Christmas and light up our trees, let us also remember those on the streets and the kids who never knew to go to school because they had either nobody or no money to afford a session's fees. Pay attention to the things around you and show some love to these little kids, the world is a lot more tense than it seems.

Compliments of the season from Antoine's Desk.

#OutTheWindow

I was standing on the verge of insanity when I found something to hold onto.
To God, my family, friends, well wishers and everyone who has ever believed or supported in any way. This is why we stay strong, believing that time will do the unveiling and showcasing to the rest of the world. This is what I know how to do so this is what I continue to do. #OutTheWindow is for every believer in the days ahead and so with this I propose a toast;
To greatness, that the future looks forward to us more than we look forward to it. Selah.

#OutTheWindow is finally #OutTheWindow

VIEW / DOWNLOAD

Why you act the way you do

NAME: Why you act the way you do

AUTHOR: Tim Lahaye

YEAR PUBLISHED: 1988

A.D RATING: 9/10



A.D REVIEW: Tim Lahaye actually scores huge on this one. detailing and analyzing the various temperaments which form the differences in each man and giving helpful insight on how best to manage and maximize the potentials of your temperament. If you love to read an enlightening book, then this right here was designed for you. Grab a copy and don't just glance through, be sure to enlighten yourself on how best to deal with you and your surrounding(s).

YOLO - A friendly advice

You Only Live Once... Y.O.L.O!
But this is not the juncture where I begin to quote lines off an Aubrey Graham song or tell you that today may be the only chance you get to tag along with the dope guys and or play beer pong. No.
What am I saying then?
I'm simply insinuating that you have just one shot at discovering the purpose for which you exist and everyday that passes by with breath in you ironically is a fresh opportunity at that discovery.
Yes, society does make the rules, but understand that your life is your kingdom and the choice to follow is yours eventually. Am I saying break the rules? Maybe. From what limited knowledge I have, rules are made to be broken anyway.
 Your life is a personal journey that society really does not have to understand. But if you choose to exist without asking yourself questions, that's fine by me. Provided you understand that you'll be just another entity existing, occupying space and not consciously living. Waiting for society to make the call and following her every order, like an errand boy living to please his master in return for a meager sum and a big plate of pasta.

Like Suli Breaks once said, It's like being stuck in a rat race, but you see the truth about it is, even if you win the rat race, you're still just a rat.

You Only Live Once.
So, utilize this opportunity every single day that comes your way and do not always be afraid of what society would say. Be extraordinary, ordinary men are contempt with just about anything. They follow rules without questioning and are hasty to make the so called right decisions. 

Be your own man, create a you that stands the test of time and forget not to understand that understanding itself is a choice many people are scared to make.
Lastly, I stumbled upon this quote a while back on twitter, it's simple but with so much depth-
If your confidence comes from the praises of men, you'll be devastated by their criticisms.

Each one, Reach one

Each one reach one
with a message of love each one teach one
that in trying to bleach one we end up the stitched one,
because no man likes to feel inferior
and the bitter truth is you're no ones superior. No one!
Whether they're poor and you're the rich one.
Cause with all the riches in the world if you fail to reach one,
then you're nothing but just a rich one.

Each one, reach one
There's a saying that says "There is a drop of greatness in each one."
But we all need to come together for a drop alone could never be enough to make a River.
Each one, reach one
But first understand that a good student will not be convinced
until he is assured that the teacher has a clear understanding of what is been taught.
So, what i say is quite simple...
In trying to reach one, you have to reflect what is clearly seen by the people.

Again in trying to reach one,
be careful not to venture with a mindset of it's time to fix one;
Cause even with doctors' prescriptions
people are still snatched by death.
Only have it in mind that you are simply rendering your help.

Everyone cannot understand!
True that this is fact but do not be destabilized in the knowing.
The headlines do not read each one, reach everyone that will make the task rather too difficult.
Instead it says each one, reach one
for somewhere in the midst of "everyone cannot understand"
lies "one can understand."
But then again, one has to teach one to reach one.

Each one, reach one
Teach one that there's a grain of good in each one.
Be kind enough to lend a listening ear 
For sometimes, that may be all you need to reach one.

Each one, reach one
Remember there was a time when you didn't have that knowledge.
Be painstakingly patient with each one and don't give up
cause the title of this piece doesn't read "EACH ONE, DITCH ONE."

Social Intelligence

NAME : SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE

AUTHOR : DANIEL GOLEMAN (PhD)

YEAR PUBLISHED : 2006

A.D RATING : 9/10

 

A.D REVIEW : I stumbled upon this one at my boss' apartment and decided to give it a try (I mean the title sounded a little serious). 2 years on and I still relish the images it passed on to me. It's a fantastic read really, I kept flipping the pages because I couldn't help being engrossed.
I suggest you race to that bookshop near you and get a copy, it is highly educating and detailed.

Welcome to The Bookstore

Hello reader,
It is a privilege to have you (yes you reading this) view this page. I do appreciate you considering this worth your time and so without further delay, I welcome you to The Bookstore.

The Bookstore is a brand new feature that commenced on 03/07/2015 to mark the second anniversary of #AntoinesDESK.
With an aim to not just recommending good reads that assist us in understanding various fields of life; but also to challenge and fill our minds with an unending desire to aspire for greatness. It promises to excite book lovers with fascinating books which inspire and reach deep for the soul.

So my advice? Fasten that seat belt and get ready to breakaway from societal norms and make the best of what life has to offer.

Thank you once again for lending your eyes to the efforts of my hands.

50...

Fifty...
You might want to add Cent
Or maybe Shades of Grey...
But hey, I'm only trying to be witty.

Fifty...
A lot of money spent on beef;
I'm not trying to be a word player
But I'd love to be at a FIFA gala night.

Fifty...
A real man of steel
But he couldn't take 50,
9 was what could heal.

Enough! Game over!
And I apologize for going undercover
But the happiness that I feel
Is the reason for all of this.

A Golden Jubilee is 50
and today you have grossed one;
Only take away 97
And then plus one.

My mother, My friend
For long I have prayed
That the pains of my labour
Will never be in vain!

Today, you clock 50
Thank God for your life.
Long live your enemies
To continue to see you alive!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY

What is Love ?

What is Love?
A joke? A feeling? An act?
Where do I find Love?
On a road trip? The internet? Maybe high up in the clouds?
I'm curious and willing to die like the cat...

*  8674
For you, I will go poor
A love so pure
I don't need a cure
** 0414
For you, I will go poor
You can be my Thor 
And I'll gladly be your whore


Do enemies become friends? Maybe in storybooks
Cause I never saw Tom pat Jerry in the cartoons


*** 3216
Got caught up in the mix
A broken heart
But somehow got fixed
       3216
I could write you a whole disk
Already are lovers
Now be Precious & I'll be your Chix.


I have a neighbor whom I called wasted waist and she didn't like me either

A skinny rastafarian was clearly not her taste.

I never went to her room nor she to mine

cause our differences were so clear we never really got along.

3 months ago, she told me her perception of me was 

a young foolish boy always trying too much to feel among...

Today, she writes for me and I for her although I've tried several times to understand how and why?
I mean she never was a writer, now she writes like all her life she's spent writing.

What is Love?
Definitely acts of oversize stupidity? or a crazy kind of feeling?
I'll leave you to decide.
And where I found Love? Under that neighbor's purple and pink Ceiling.

I hope this is not too little, cause you deserve all the good things that I can give you and as time continues to fly, I can only hope you and I continue to continue cause as long as you're here, I'm near and forget about the trolls cause people will always be people so let them talk and continue to stalk until they discover where we're headed. Then they'll know better and take a walk cause our story is one that we believe will be written but not in chalk. I love you from the bottom of my heart up till its top and I'm not saying that we're the best there is but it feels good knowing that we're not quitting our quest for perfection because a man is the one who creates his own future so If we don't give up today then we're certain that there will be a tomorrow.
I love you and I pray us more joy and lesser sorrow.

* The last four digits of my phone number

** The day wasted waist and the foolish boy had their first real conversation (April 14th)

*** The last four digits of her phone number

(Precious and Chix just happen to be bestfriends)

FOCUS

Dear Lord,

Give me the strength.

The cruelty of this world leaves me in distress, seeking answers to the questions I continually ask-

Is my conviction right or am I towing a wrong and futile cause?

The temptations of this world continue to entice me and my motivation pleads for a lot more zeal.

I refuse to break!

There’s so much deceit in societal prosperity and freedom comes only with a discovery.
For in reality, your life becomes the definition of tragedy, void of knowledge, freedom and serenity all thanks to society. Now pardon my arrogance, but true success comes from a strength that nullifies the possibilities of failure and overshadows the worries of oblivion (uncertainty), only after the mystery of essence is unraveled.
I pray for sanity in our world full of vanity; that greed and power lead us not to a readiness & willingness to dedicate & commit ourselves to what will in time be self-destruction.
That I may never have reason to sacrifice my discipline as the opportunities continue to linger. I stay steadfast knowing my pain and burden are necessary sacrifice in preparation for something a lot bigger.

This will be worth it because I believe

This is worth it because I live.

Yes, we all live to die… But our values if we so desire may remain

Everyday draws us closer to D-day, and whilst some lay I choose to be them that prepare;

understanding patience is not the ability to wait but the attitude that accompanies waiting

and perfection comes not from getting it right but from practicing until you can’t go wrong.

My ambition has brought me this far and I will go all the way

When life is easy and when there are constraints

I will make it work and afterwards hang my boots on top of the world.

Life will be hard and full of pain so take solace in today and find wisdom in the words that I say.

Contentment is what we seek after all that elation has worn off - Richard Templar

MY DARLING DEBBY

Debby is beautiful, Debby is light

Debby got spice, she is delight.

Debby got swag, Debby got drive

Debby got the kind of talent money can’t buy.

My darling Debby,

Sweet sixteen but twenty one;

Look at how shaped and baked you’ve become,

In no time, I sure know that you’ll be done.

Remember when I would pull your ears?

Make whispers that you always caressed

All the times you went wrong

When I would tell you to stay strong?

Time has passed and your beauty has remained,

Not just the physical but also the innate.

Oh! Sweet memories you and I have made

From the day I met you up until this day.

Today you add another 365

And this really does gladden my heart

Cheers to the future, cheers to your success story.

Someday, I would say I always knew she was gon make it.

Happy birthday Deborah Uche, this is just the beginning of many things to come.

Perception

They tell you the man with the packet of cigarettes is irresponsible,
The lady with the piercings and tats is a part-time prostitute,
The man with the dreadlocks escaped the mentally deranged hospital,
What else does this catastrophic society tell you ?

My life's been a lot worse since I got locks,
many people with strong belief of Antoine's loss;
Frequent calls from society to pops,
Cause locks on hair equals Antoine's lost.
But there's an exception for the man with the locks with the bucks.

Oh! How the ambitious went astray,
Cause now he's a huge fan of the ashtray;
Then society brands us useless,
Just like they stereotype Muslims violent.
Until society switched definitions last minute, simply because he was able to make the pay.

Justify your claims with the saying
Dress how you wish to be addressed
And I'll justify mine by saying-
The quality of a movie is not judged by the appearance of it's cassette;
Just like a book cannot be read by merely peeking at its index.

So she drifted away from God cause she's on the runway - modelling ?
And into prostitution cause the size of her house compared to yours is amazingly humbling ?
Ascribing her titles without proper coronation, all for a product of thoughts with no proper examination.

My society, my habitation,
Every man has a mind of his own. Understanding comes with a certain degree of knowledge and although you choose to pass judgement regardless, act as though your life's the definition of perfect, ensure precaution cause no medicine after death.

My society, my habitation
When twins were killed, it was custom and tradition
Until Mary came and changed perception
These Blessings were termed damnation.

Be careful enough to understand... Sometimes, mere perceptions bring about massive segregation.

Born Sinner

Drowning in my thoughts, wondering pondering... No more.
It made me strong, a lot stronger than I thought.

A little man with a truckload of ambition,
Trying to stay afloat amidst distractions.
Yet another victim of societal norms,
Alone amongst a thousand and one.

Smitten by the frustrations of rejection,
Assaulted by poverty and hardship;
Surrounded by hypocrisy and mischief,
Crucified for loyalty,  faith and belief.

In a time of prestige and power,
Where money and money is the  order;
Who am I to criticize?
Born sinner, once also unwise.

If only I knew,
that which I now know;
If only I played
That role I was assigned to,
But then, Grace happened,
Born sinner, but I got better.

Pass the mic, not judgement,
Remember how it wasn't so cozy,
Doing things you weren't supposed to,
Listen to understand, it got harder than you supposed.

Life is a cliff,
One you climb and can't afford to be stiff,
We never knew, someone had to teach,
Inspire , help us climb until we reached.

Perfection needs time,
And time is all we have.
Until it runs out,
There's enough to make it right.

Born sinner, never was perfect
Born sinner, working to be perfect
But perfection is you,
Born sinner , but the definition of perfect.

Thank God for Life, You only live once.

Again...?

It's been barely two weeks since the world marked the end of yet another 365day journey with routine celebrations all over the place.
It was indeed a time to reminisce the achievements and or disappointments of the just concluded; lean back, breathe and be hopeful for what is to come in the days ahead.

The resolutionists awoke from their slumber to chant and jot down routine word of mouth resolutions.

Mrs. hypocrite amongst the Christian fold somehow found her dust-ridden abandoned Bible and dashed to church to shout hallelujah into the new year (After all, God is a merciful God, He forgives when we run to Him).

Mr. ignoramus in the Christian fold was not to be left behind as he also danced and sang praises to God for what He would do in the new year. All through the year, he had prayed and fasted for a car and got none but in the coming year, he knows that God will answer that prayer he has been praying for over 15years. Amen? Amen!

And then the clock reads 12:00am, the fireworks begin, tears roll down faces, some are busy eating sand in the name of lying down to thank God for seeing them into the new year (Well, I don't have a problem with that anyway).

I will never steal from my mummy's pot, tell lies to daddy, beat up my younger ones....

We begin to hear stuff like that as resolutions begin to fly here and there. (I got no problem with that either).

I must confess, new year feels like having a plastic surgery. You know, people trying to look different, act different, live different, be different or better still, better.

You're probably reading this and laughing, but this is not comedy, and entertainment is the least of my aims right now.

-The global economic meltdown has been around for as long as I can remember and year in year out, all I see is governments inflating and the people complaining. I don't see a lot of persons (young men and women especially) asking questions like 'How exactly can we put an end to this madness?'  and working towards possible solutions. Apparently, a lot of us are more concerned with trying to make a lot of money. The economy can continue to meltdown for all we care, provided our pockets are stashed.

-The political realm: In Nigeria, it's GEJ vs GMB. Everyone busy pointing accusing fingers when in all honesty, the majority of us have refused to be responsible and see our faults in all of the happenings.

-As Individuals and citizens: All we do is complain, of how the president should have done this or not done that, of how our lives are miserable owing to one thing or another, of how there are no jobs etc.

We've struggled with the same dreaded set of diseases for too long: Ignorance and Irresponsibility.

Don't we ever get tired of doing the same things over and over again?

Take a good look at yourself for a minute and ask yourself what you have done to better yourself as a person. What exactly are you not doing right? What contributions have you made in the life of the person next to you? What problems have you solved in your time on earth? What are the principles you live by? What are you made of? Where is your life really headed?
The resolutions should not come just from the mouth but also from the depth of the heart.
That's not all because a lot of us tend to lose sight and focus even before mid-year. Develop a drive that pushes you beyond your limits, one that says I can make this happen. Be determined enough that the year will not just come and go... again.

- Set goals: Goals are day to day activities that fall in line with the course of your life (dreams). Whilst your dream should outweigh you when viewed by yourself and others, your goals should be tangible and achievable.

- Dedication and Commitment: Nothing in life can work without these key ingredients, but then what are they without passion? Take out passion and you'll simply be struggling.
You've got to love what you do or learn to love it.

-Believe: Your fear of failure and negative thinking has got to be outdone by your belief. If you're more scared of failing than positive for success, you just might need to turn up your faith a lot more.

- Work: Work brethren, work! You don't expect to sit back, arms folded, doing nothing and somehow make it happen. You have to be ready to toil for what you want.

- Give: That givers never lack is fact. There's a simple illustration to support this;
fold your fingers into your palm and then stretch out your hands and ask someone to give you something, anything. You can't collect it cause you're tight fisted. In order to enjoy success and other material benefits, you need to be willing to let go... Emotionally, financially and otherwise.

We cannot continue to make the same mistakes over and over again, we should not continue to be told the same things over and over again. It's about time we became the change we want to see happen around us, there's a popular saying charity begins at home and no lie, it does actually begin with you.

Lastly;
No matter what happens, strive not to lie to yourself, no matter how bitter or painful the truth may seem. Remember that in time, everything will heal, but also that how fast that recovery or healing process takes is dependent on how well you choose to handle the situation.

Let us not rush into trying to be better individuals by making the same  mistakes we've made over time but critically examine ourselves and reflect on what really needs to be done to further our various causes and rightly fuel our drives towards achieving our dreams. We cannot afford to keep moving in circles; again and again and again.

I apologize to every reader of #MAB for my long absence from the scene. I'm back now and I hope to get better and be more consistent this year.
Thank you all for sticking around, the calls, messages, social media mentions etc. Together, we'll grow stronger.

HAPPY NEW YEAR !